Winnie: A Pokemon Adventure
Chapter 1: The Journey of a Protagonist!
It’s an ordinary day in Twinleaf, and Winnie, a 12 year old boy is on his way to becoming a Pokemon Master!
“Winnie! What are you doing!”
“I’m going to Professor Appletree’s house!”
“And why may I ask, aren’t you going to school, young man?”
“Screw school! I’m the main character dammit!”
“And where’s your father anyway?”
“Mom, I don’t have a father remember? My existence is due to a virgin birth, brought about by the Force! All main characters are like that! I mean, look at Star Wars, Anakin has no father, his mom got preggers due to the will of the Force! And the Bible! Mary was a virgin when Jesus was born too!”
“Oh I suppose…”
Winnie proceeded to strut out of the house in his pajamas, being the utterly cool thing he was. Checking his watch which had magically appeared on his wrist in the scene transition, he exclaimed, “OMG, I’M LATE.”
“Professor Appletree, I’m sorry I’m late! Being the protagonist I was, I found it perfectly all right to turn up late for the pivotal moment of my life!”
“Professor Appletree isn’t here, I’m Professor Oak, and these here are Professors Flame-of-the-Forest, Rambutan, and Californian Redwood.”
“Why are you guys all named after trees anyway?”
A loud voice began to yell in a strong Japanese accent.
“It’s tradition, I don’t care how stupid it is! I’m freaking Satoshi Tajiri!”
“So, what’s your name?”
“Winnie!”
“Oh, I’m sorry, little girl. I thought you were a boy.”
“I’m not a girl! Haven’t you ever watched Winnie the Pooh?”
“Oh yeah, I watch that, because even though I’m a mature 50 year old Professor, I can communicate as equals with a 12 year old with the maturity of an unborn fetus,” said Professor Oak, gleefully waving his Winnie the Pooh merchandise.
“Well, yeah, it IS Pokemon,” said Professor Californian Redwood.
“Wait,” said Winnie, “Why are you speaking in a Japanese accent? Aren’t you Californian?”
“No, it’s just the tree I’m named after that’s Californian.”
*
“So, Winnie, since you’ve turned up really late, you don’t have much of a choice of Pokemon,” said Professor Oak, “You’ll just have to take this mischievous Magikarp of mine.”
“Oh man! I saw this on television! You pass it to me and it gives me an electric shock!”
“Magikarp is a water type, and learns only Splash, Tackle and Flail.”
“What the hell are you talking about?”
“I don’t know.”
*
“Yay! I’ve got my very first Pokemon!”
Winnie danced around while Magikarp…
Flopped on the ground.
“Magikarp, return!”
Flop.
“Hey, why aren’t you staying in your Pokeball?”
Flop.
“Fine, be that way.”
A few moments passed in sweet silence, but again it was broken by the annoying voice of Winnie.
“Hey Magikarp, so I heard you could evolve.”
Flop.
“I’m going to be a good trainer and get a Water Stone for you to evolve! Just like Ash tried to get a Thunderstone for Pikachu to evolve!”
Flop.
“Yeah! You’re right! As a trainer the only thing that matters is our bond! The bond between trainer and Pokemon! Who cares if you’re the weakest Pokemon in the game!”
Winnie’s Dexter beeped.
You stupid fool, Magikarp evolve by leveling up. I’m Dexter, freaking use me.
“What’s a level?”
*
“Hey, it’s a Starly! Let’s just throw a Pokeball at it since it’s so difficult to reduce its HP to a lower level in order to increase its catch rate!”
He threw a Pokeball, or rather, his weak nerdy arm was incapable of such action, and it merely dropped out of his hand, opening and bathing the Starly in a burst of red light.
Which promptly broke out.
“Damn, that was so close! I almost had it there! For like, half a second!”
He walked further away from his home in Twinleaf, which he no longer needed since he was a cool independent kid.
“Wow! Check it out! It’s a Staraptor! Why am I having a level inappropriate encounter? But I don’t care anyway! In Pokemon, level and stats don’t matter! Nor does anything else!”
He threw a Pokeball, releasing the Magikarp within.
Flop. Flop flop flop.
“Magikarp! Help me catch that Staraptor kay?”
Flop.
“Yeah! I think we should annoy it too!”
Searching the ground he found a rock.
And threw it at the Staraptor.
In the face.
The Staraptor turned, annoyed.
“Since I’m a dumb immature kid, I’m going to jab my thumb up its ass!”
And Winnie did so, much to the anger of the Staraptor.
“Hey! Magikarp! That’s weird. I think it looks angry! I wonder why?”
The Staraptor flew towards them, readying itself for a Close Combat.
Suddenly, Magikarp flopped. Though considering the fact it was flopping around all the time, it wasn’t that sudden. However, it’d be infinitely less dramatic if it was not said it was sudden, and… Well basically, Magikarp used a phenomenally powerful Splash attack.
Which immediately prompted an entire flock of Staraptor to attack Magikarp.
“Oh no!”
Winnie grabbed Magikarp and ran through the forest, losing the Staraptor flock on the first turn, but he felt it was too easy, and attracted the attention of the flock again and decided to jump off a waterfall for dramatic effect.
“Lalala…”
It so happened that a girl was fishing nearby, and felt a tug on her rod. She yelled.
“I think I’ve caught something!”
She lifted the rod with much difficulty, and out of the water emerged Winnie and his Magikarp!
“Wow, your Magikarp looks seriously hurt!”
“How could you tell?”
“Oh, well, it just broke in half.”
Winnie looked down, it was true! He had snapped Magikarp’s fragile spine with his bare hands in anxiety.
“Oops,” said Winnie.
“No matter, the Pokemon Center will fix that.”
“Okay, thanks for the bike!”
“What?”
Winnie leapt out of the water, grabbed the girl’s bike and rode off towards the Pokemon Center.
“It’s okay, I’ll return it someday! Like, never!”
*
A terrible storm began, and in the torrential rain, he lost control of his bike and out flew him and Magikarp, the flock had caught up, and Winnie decided to shield Magikarp in an act of bravado, and oh, of course, “love”.
“Get back in the Pokeball! I’ll hold them off!”
Magikarp flopped feebly, and was touched. Winnie had become a true Pokemon Master because he loved his Pokemon! Magikarp felt empowered, and suddenly used Thunder Splash! A special variant of Splash that was exactly like Thunder except in name!
The attack scattered the Staraptor flock, but it was not enough. Magikarp detected another threat still present, and launched another Thunder Splash attack at the bike!
“Good job, Magikarp. For a moment there I thought we were doomed. That bike looked ready to pounce!”
The skies began to clear, as Ho-oh flew over them.
Winnie gasped.
“OMG, it means we have destiny!”